i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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