Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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