'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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