with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
