VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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