sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
