i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
