Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
