hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
