1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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