i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
