There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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