I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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