I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
