I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
two words: eviction party
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
