I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
