Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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