Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
