My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
