I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The uberlube is also flammable
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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