those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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