My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
