I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
