I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
