I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
