he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
