We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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