OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
