you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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