I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
