hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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