Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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