At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
