dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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