Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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