Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
