Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
