Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
