This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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