Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
