david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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