I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
please don't ironically join a cult
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