In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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