On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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