So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I look better un-naked...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
