people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
