Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
