Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
