Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
