he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
