just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
