i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
